Volunteering and Healing

Over the summer I completed training to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate for children displaced through dependency, neglect, or abuse.  I became a volunteer because my mother and her nine siblings were taken into state custody in 1945.  I've seen the result of a broken system and have personal scars as a result of effects on my mother.  The ten children were separated.  Some were adopted, some lived in orphanages until high school graduation.  I met several of them, but only knew two, and them vaguely.  I met a couple cousins once.

Today I sent in my first court report for a hearing later this month.  I felt the tears welling up as I hit send.  I felt the weight of the responsibility.  I wonder about the long term effects of what I recommended and will later have to testify to in court.  I didn't realize how difficult it would be.  How heavy the weight would be.  Fifty years from now I don't want the children of the children I'll be appointed to along the way to say I screwed up and they bear the scars as a result.

I am assigned one or two cases at a time.  Social Workers have 30, 40, 50?  I'm sure she was diligent and did what she could in good faith and in the best interest of my mother, my aunts, and my uncles.  I think it's time I let up on the social worker who did what she felt was best for my mother.  Maybe it's time to let that pain go.

Pearl Harbour: a Lesson and Warning From the Past

Pearl Harbor is on AMC and I found it just in time to see the attack.  I remember seeing this in the theater with my husband and his shaking and fighting tears while he watched.  I had never seen a movie affect him like that before, and I've never seen one affect him like that since.  My husband is a Navy Veteran, my eldest son is a Marine, my grandpa was also a Navy veteran.  Pearl Harbor is personal.

Pearl Harbor happened for one reason and one reason only, when the Axis Powers started their aggressions NO ONE STOPPED THEM.  At the beginning Europe tried appeasement which resulted in their being attacked.  WE ALSO DID NOTHING.  Our lack of standing up to the Axis powers to stop them not only allowed them to have victories which made them more bold, but our inaction made us look weak.  Our leaders thought that what happened on the other side of the world wasn't our problem and we should stay out of it.  Pearl Harbor was the result.

WWII started with with Japan taking Manchuria; Italy taking Ethiopia; and Hitler deciding that all German speaking peoples should be one, so he invaded and annexed Austria, the Rhinelands and the Sudetenland (sound familiar).  Japan's leadership talked peace to us while planning the attack on Pearl Harbor.   Our president is either ignoring history, or worse, is well aware of what he is doing.  One makes him a fool, a pacifist coward.  The other makes him a traitor aiding and abetting the enemy.  Either way, he likes playing with an imaginary marker drawing pretend "red lines" that make us look weak and vulnerable while the leadership downsizes our military.    I wonder if it will really take another Pearl Harbor to wake people up to the dangerous situation we are heading for.

Time to take to heart the following quote from George Santayana, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  (The Life of Reason; Vol. 1 Reason in Common Sense 1905-1906)

Sometimes only prayer

I have a son.  I have several sons, but one son has had some medical issues.  One of the medications they had him on had side effects which weren't properly reported to the FDA when it was approved for use in pre-adolescent boys.  I received news today that my son will need to be on another medication for the rest of his life to repair what the first medication did.  The new medication has side effects, but the long term effects of the medical condition caused by the first medication increases his risk of death over the next 18 years by 40% and puts him at high risk for a myriad of other health issues, leaving us little choice.  So, I sit here at a point where I can only say to my Lord, "He was your son before he was mine, and he will be your son for eternity.  So do as You will, give me wisdom, and lift my sorrow-filled heart."  Amen

But for the Grace of God

Last night our electric went out.  The electric company came out and told us that the master breaker to the house was bad.  In fact, we'd had a fire inside of the box at the pole.  At first I considered us "lucky" that it hadn't back fed to the house and burned our home.  Tonight however, I feel differently.  The electricians just finished the major repairs and I called our electric company to come out and get the power back on.  She informed me that the crew was already on their way to our area; they were heading to a house fire to shut off the electric and would be at our place as soon as they finished.

Couldn't help but cry as I thought about about the people watching their home burn.  I thought about the people here at the hotel who are here because of house fires, which is problem during the winter months with all the space heaters.  We met one of them last night when checked in.  As I thought of what total strangers are going through at this very minute and prayed for them with tears, I remembered something my daddy use to say, "But for the grace of God, there go I."

But for the grace of God, we could have lost our home.

We had thanked Him for there being just two non-smoking rooms left at the only hotel in town.  We thanked Him for the electricians who were able to come out today.  Now, I am thanking Him for sparing our home.  While I will continue to pray for those who have lost so much these winter months, I will keep in the forefront of my mind the Amazing Grace that the Lord, for some reason, showed us last night.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  ~ I Thess 5:16-18

Conviction

A friend of mine posted this video on facebook (you can visit her blog at Sweet Woodruffs).  It is only a minute long; please watch it, then keep reading.



I don't know what they were saying, but I heard it in the crying of the women and in the gratitude of the women who spoke.  I saw it on their faces, especially on the face of the young man who held it to his lips as he held back tears.  Then I hear in their silence as they reverantly opened their very first Bibles and looked at the pages.  Their first Bibles, something they've never seen before, is a great a treasure.

My Bible is in its zippered case sitting next to my desk ... where it has sat untouched for nearly a month.  I've watched sermons and I've looked up verses online and I've prayed, but I haven't looked at my Bible as a Treasure for a long time.  I know it is the Holy Word of God, but I guess the fact that we have so many and they are easily obtained has diminished to me its magnificence.  As I was happy for them, I must say that seeing them pricked my heart and my soul as a Christian.  Would it take having the Bible taken from me and made illegal for me to feel the way they do?

My Bible is a Treasure.  I should value it more than 'silver or gold'.

So I am convicted.

So ... that is what Christmas is all about?

If you ever want to see the most selfish, self-center, heartless, non-compassionate people ever, just wait until November.  You get to watch them until the end of the first week of January.

No, I don't like the holiday season and I haven't since 7th grade.

I remember sitting in church when I realized how much I despised the last two months of year and how much they depressed me.  Now the mother of six and in my early forties, I still despise most of it and struggle to find the "Joy of Christmas" each year.  It isn't the Nativity hating atheist that does it to me.  It isn't the Yule loving Pagans.  It isn't Santa Claus.

It's the "Christians".

The very ones who are suppose to be focusing on the birth of our Lord and Saviour are the worse offenders of all .  Why?  Well, they're suppose to be setting an example of the love of Christ to the world and few of them do.  They don't care who is missing Thanksgiving with their family so others can pick up that can of forgotten cranberries.  They don't care who is working 14-16 hour shifts and having baked turkey in the break room while their spouse and children eat Thanksgiving without them.  They don't care who is missing their children open their gifts on Christmas morning so they can go to the movies for entertainment.  They don't care which children are parentless for the holiday.  They don't care who is missing their last holiday with an older or sick beloved family member in order for others to get more crap for people who haven't room for the crap they already have.

They just don't care.

And I don't know which is worse: the amount of greed and selfishness and the lack of compassion, or the fact that it no longer amazes me.

The human eye can see a candle flicker from 3.1 miles away (that is when the curve of the earth takes it out of human view).  On a dark night looking down from a mountain, you can see a candle from 30 miles away (Live Science).  I am so thankful for the lights of those who give so much during this time of year for those around them.  They do it all year long, and they give so much of themselves showing the true Jesus inside of them.  I am also incredibly thankful for my children who don't ask for a ton of stuff at Christmas, but are instead content with what they have.  It is because of the flickering lights in my line of vision that I eventually find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in the manger.

It is nine days until Christmas.  I am ready now to get a tree and decorate our home for the Birth of the Saviour.  We'll still have Santa and gifts, but most of all, we'll have Jesus and family.  And that is what this season is really about.

Praise and Thanksgiving in Homelessness

This homeless man singing praises to the Lord to the song 'God of Second Chances' is too beautiful for words and a much needed personal reminder, "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."  ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Cleaning out ...

A few days ago I spent the entire day cleaning up and cleaning out my cabinets.  Today we had friends over and I made sure that the living room was vacuumed and picked up.  The kitchen was clean.  The table was set.  I showed off my newly organized cabinets and pointed out that the top of my fridge was no longer loaded with stuff, but instead had only a decorative cookie jar and my recipe box on top.

Later, somehow my and my husband's bedroom came up.  It's huge with a jacuzzi tub in it and a fire place.  The master bedroom was what sold us on the house.  I told her  it was a total wreck and even showed her our room with the plastic storage boxes filling one corner, the bed unmade, towels on the floor, and the three-year-old's toys all over the place.

I am currently working on cleaning and organizing our pantry when this thought came to me.  We spend so much time organizing and cleaning what others can see, but try to close the door to real mess.  If we make the part that everyone sees neat and tidy, somehow we think they'll believe that the rest of the house is the same way when it really isn't.

As Christians our lives are the same.  We want what the world and our friends to see to be neat, tidy, admirable, something they might want to emulate.  But what we show on the outside isn't who we really are.  Who we REALLY are is what we hide behind that door, like our office and master bedroom.  As humans, we have a tendency to shove the messy untidy parts of our lives into secret places where we can hide them. The problem with that, particularly as Christians, is that eventually we have to let others in to see ALL of who we are if we plan to truly serve Him.  Sometimes we don't even have to let people in because there is only so much space to hide stuff, then it starts to trickle out.

As servants and followers of Christ, we have to stop trying to hide things instead of dealing with them.  The Bible says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."  (Luke 6:45 NIV)  You see, we can't hide it forever.  Eventually we have to let people in or it comes out on its own.  I hide quite a few things, or least try.  Those who know me know that I can be judgemental and critical when I fail to be humble.  I can complain and have fear when I fail to remember to be thankful for the amazing provisions of the Lord.  And he has provided so faithfully all these years!

So I am deciding right now to spend more time humbled before my Lord and thankful for all His blessings.  I am asking Him to prick my spirit when I judge or complain so that I will remember these words that I have written.  You see, the best motivation to clean out the junk that burdens us is the motivation of the something better and fulfilling taking its place.  I choose the better.  I choose the Spirit of the Lord.  I choose to toss out harsh criticism and judgemental thoughts for the indwelling Spirit of compassion and love.  I chose to dispose of complaining and uncertainty for the Spirit of peace.

You see, these things ARE choices.  And I choose to put on my new self.

The Deep, Deep Love of Jesus!

When I hear this song I am amazed at where I am now and where I was just a few years ago.  I thank and praise the Lord of Hosts for His deep and unimaginable love, forgiveness, and redemption!!!

Death of a Friend

A friend of mine died of a brain aneurysm around 2:00 a.m. Saturday morning.  He was buried today.  I've never had a friend my age die.  He was just 3 or 4 years older than my husband.  His wife is left to raise two high schoolers and two elementary children alone.  Three of them are boys.  I talked to her this evening on the phone.  She's exhausted.  We talked.  We laughed.  We cried for about ten seconds.  She's too tired to cry and I can't expect a widow to carry my grief over the death of her husband.  His 24-year-old son from his first marriage is moving down to help his step-mother and his siblings.

My friend was a Christian.  He was a real person.  Not phony.  He was who he was and he was wonderful.  My husband and I loved him.  And now he has gone home.  His wife is trusting the Lord to provide.  And He already has.  His employer paid the over $10,000 for his funeral and is going to pay for his family's health insurance for 6-8 months while she sets up life without him.  His burial plot was given to them by the church.  I know He will carry them through.

Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
   extol him who rides on the clouds;
   rejoice before him - his name is the Lord.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
   is God in his holy dwelling.

                                ~Psalm 68:4-5~

Wonderful Fellowship!

I was so blessed to spend 1 1/2 hours on the phone with a very dear friend, mentor, and brother in Christ.  He and his wife are such a blessing to us!  B isn't a phone person, so we email, but J and I can, and do, talk at length. I am reminded of Paul's longing to see his Christian friends, " I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith."  (Romans 1:11-12)  As we closed in prayer, my arms ached to hold my friends again, to see them smile, to hear them laugh.

The Lord brings people into our lives for a reason or sometimes for a season.  J & B are lifelong (nearly 20 years now), and I praise God for them.  They are a true brother and sister in Christ.

The Bondage of Anger

I am in bondage to anger.

Anyone who knows me knows how difficult it is for me to admit this. 

I have always been a fighter.  I'm actually quite good at it.  I've always fought for the little guy and against the injustices of this world, but being a fighter brings with it a certain amount of anger. 

Or maybe it's the anger that brings about the fight in a person.  I'm not sure.  And at this point I don't really think it matters. 

I know that anger in and of itself isn't a sin, even Jesus got angry.  I think it's the kind of anger that one harbors in their heart that turns into sin.  That is the anger that gives the "foothold to the devil."

Maybe some brutal honesty about the anger will help me lay the roots of it all at His feet and maybe then I will be able to move on to truly enjoy all the wonderful blessings He has given me, namely my husband and our six children.  And at the moment, this adorable two-year-old who has put on his Batman mask and would like me to tie a blanket around him to serve as his cape.  :)

I mentioned to my husband about a week ago that I felt a lack in my prayer life. It wasn't that I wasn't praying, just something was missing. Since then the Lord has been working to ensure that I would run into several people I know who needed to share a burden. Having these people and situations to pray for have really been a gift. I routinely pray for others in generality, and that is always a good thing, however specific prayer is more personal.

I'm not sure that my words properly express my thoughts, but I am praising God for what He's done over the last week.

Behold...Children are a blessing from the Lord!

Please read all the way through. This post isn't to condemn small families. It is to clarify the feelings behind those with large families. It is to edify the amazing gift that children are. So please, read through the entire post to gather the full meaning which is my heart about our children and our desire to have more. In our society, a family that stops at 2 or 3 isn't put through the scrutiny those of us who have it in our hearts to have more are put through. The decision to stop at just a couple kids is accepted, but those of us who go on are criticized, even in the Christian church. That is the purpose of this post.

A few days ago I had a conversation with a friend. It wasn't a new one for me. The question of why we would want more children when we already have five blows many people away. In the light of several miscarriages, including one three months ago today, they question why we would even try again. They talk about the work involved, and costs involved. When I recently said that I wanted another, I was told that children are for the glory of God. Yes, I agree, our children should be to the glory and edification of Christ, as should be everything else in our lives. However, the Bible says the most AMAZING thing about children!

Psalm 127:3-5a

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Doesn't this verse about say it all when it comes to God's feeling towards children? They are a GIFT, a REWARD, a man who has many is BLESSED.

BUT WAIT!!! THERE'S MORE!!!

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

God PERSONALLY put each and every one of us together! When we are blessed with the gift of a child, we are blessed with handiwork of God. When we see, hold, touch our children, we are seeing, holding, touching THE HANDIWORK OF GOD HIMSELF! He was with that child from the moment of conception, before a mother even knows.

So I ask, why would a Christian couple actively pursue a course of action to prevent such a gift, a reward, a blessing, from the Lord?

Does it stem from a concern of how they will be clothed and fed and housed? Quite frequently yes, especially in the American society where it's not just about clothing, feeding, and housing, but about the name brand of the clothing, the type of food eaten, and the size of the housing. Please note that I didn't say "ALWAYS, yes..." Just read through to the end.

I have seen some amazing work at God's hand in large families including our own. True glory goes to God when parents stop worrying about how THEY are to provide and instead allow GOD to provide through them. God PROMISED to meet ALL of our NEEDS many times.

In Philippians, Paul had written to the church in Philipi and in chapter four was closing out his letter. He encourages them at the end to have faith and be content and to trust Christ's provision. Verse 19 says, "But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." It doesn't say SOME of your needs. It doesn't say ALL of your wants. It say ALL of your NEEDS. That includes food, clothes, and shelter.

This doesn't mean to sit back and wait for these things to magically appear before you. It is not okay to have baby after baby, sit idly by, and expect others to care for your children. We are commanded to work and have faith and peace and God will provide through us. Laziness and slothfulness is condemned throughout the Bible. What it does mean, however, is that if you are walking in faith, these things will come. They may not be the biggest, best or most impressive, but if you're walking according to His will, that won't matter. In fact, just a few verses prior to this Paul said, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (verse 11b-13)
My favorite though is found in Matthew 6:25-34 and comes from the mouth of Jesus Christ Himself while on Earth. It is a promise from our Lord and Savior, the Provider of all our needs.

25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
28 "And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,
29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.30 "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
31 "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'32 "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So what does this have to do with having more children and children being for the glory of God? It has to do with having faith that HE will provide for the needs of the many blessings HE may wish to give you. Where is the glory to God when a couple decides to stop having children BECAUSE THEY FEEL THEY CANNOT FINANCIALLY PROVIDE? Isn't faith stepping out and letting GOD provide?

Lest anyone feel they are being judged for stopping at 1, 2 or 3 children, know that God does not call all people to all things!!! Some people may only be called and led to have 2 or 3 children. Others are called and led to have MANY children. I would no more judge a couple for having only two than I would want anyone else to judge us for having five and possibly more.
How do you know the difference? Well, only God can truly judge the heart of man. However, while rebuking the Pharisees in Matthew 12, Christ told us one thing that is true of all people, "For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." (v. 34b)

That's a tough one for me. The last few months have been a mix of sorrow, from whence comes bitterness, and in many times victory and joy. I have had words come from my mouth that have embodied all of those feelings. Some of those feelings I need to hand over to God and let go of. Some of those feelings I need to embrace.

While our words are good for us to take a deeper look at our own hearts, the words of others gives us a glimpse into theirs. When a Christian couple with a large family says they want more, are your words uplifting and supportive? Are you behind them? Do you see in them the faith through which God provides? Or do you condemn them?

There is your heart.

Likewise, if a Christian couple feels that they are to stop at two, are your words uplifting and supportive? Are you behind them? Or do you condemn them?

There is your heart.

While I can't personally understand only wanting 2, I also can't personally understand a couple in their fifties giving up their career, way of life, the closeness of family, and familiar surroundings to enter into the mission field and live in the bush out in Africa!

What I DO know though, is that when Christians are comfortable and secure KNOWING that they have been called to serve and glorify God in the meaning in which they were called, I am only to support them in love and prayer. I don't have to understand, and it isn't my place to talk them out of it or point out of the negative aspects of what they've been called to.

So here I am, my husband and I having five and desiring more. Why? Well, I think my post explains it all. And should the Lord desire to bless us again, our family with be provided for through HIS promise, through HIS riches in glory, through HIS power, through HIS strength, FOR HIS GLORY.

Psalm 1 - Communing With God

In my growth out of Religious Christianity, where I tried to fit into a mold created by a set of "rules" perceived from the Bible, to a Spiritual Christianity, where I am guided by the Holy Spirit, I've head a few personal revelations. This is one of the most recent.

I had spent the last few weeks waking to various praise songs in my head and heart. Each morning the first thing I did as I awoke was thank the Father for giving me another day. As I went about my morning on one particular day singing and working around the house, I found myself just talking to God off and on. I wasn't on my knees (for which there is definitely a time, place and reason and something I enjoy), I was just saying things like, "Lord, it is so beautiful outside.", "Lord, it's amazing the way you make chicks hatch.", "Lord, it's comforting to feel you." These are all things we say to each other during the day, but I was sharing my feelings and thoughts with the Lord. I was feeling such peace and contentment and a overall feeling of joy.

That was when I felt this blossom in my heart. I had been singing Psalm 1 over and over again in my mind for several days:

Blessed is he who will follow the Lord,
he will not stand in the path of sinner,
he will not sit in the seat of the scoffer,
but the law of the Lord is his delight.

In His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree planted by waters.
He will bear his fruit in its season, his leaf won't die.
In whatever he does, he will prosper.

I had been drawn to and was mulling over the reference to "meditating day and night". In my Religious Christianity view I had often wondered how one could do this without being a Monk! I mean, how can you spend the entire day "meditating" on the Lord and His words when there are other things to be done?!

Well, it hit me that morning that I WAS meditating day and night! I just had to get away from my definition of "meditating" (think transcendental) to a definition more akin to "communing". Many people like to go for walks outside to "commune with nature", which is to say, surround yourself with it. When I go through the day singing praises, reciting Scripture in my mind ("I have hidden Thy word in my heart that I may not sin against Thee." - Psalm 119:11), and talking to God throughout the day as I would a friend, I am doing exactly what the Psalmist wrote about!

My

Going Through the Fire

It's been a while since I've blogged. I've thought of many things to write...while driving around in the car. I never seem to have the desire to put it all down once I get home.

I wrote about cast iron skillets a while back. I mentioned how part of the process in seasoning a good skillet is the heating of it. The heat purges it, cleanses it. Makes it ready for use.

Does it make me a bad Christian to say, "Lord, I'm tired"? I am so tired. I find myself getting to the point of feeling as little as possible. I want to just sleep all the time. In my heart I am willing to go on. It's just that the rest of me is done. Mentally I'm exhausted beyond explaination. Physically I'm ready to drop. I no longer enjoy doing the things I use to do, like feeding my chickens and collecting the eggs. Now I have to force myself to do it.

I've heard two sides to the arguement of depression and Christians. There are those who believe that if you're a Christian and depressed that you lack faith in God. Then there are those who say that being human, with all its emmotions, can include depression at times. I know I have faith. I know I trust God. I know that He has handled all of this for me and my family already.

But I can't pray about the situation anymore. I'm just done begging God to bring this to an end. It's been a long three years.

Matthew 11:28 says, "Come unto me all who are weary and burdened, I shall give you rest." But as I sit here fighting the tears that are burning in my eyes, someone PLEASE tell me when this rest will come.

Homosexuality and the Christian Response

I had an Uncle who was gay. I loved my Uncle and was very upset when he was told to go away and not come back until he was a Christian and out of homosexuality. The way it was explained to me, I understood that his sin was just too big and I needed to be protected from it. Well, even at a very young age I understood that no one's sin was too big for God. It was simply our job as Christians to love all sinners and through our love, bring them to Christ. Unfortunately, Christian love has a human time table it has to work in. That time table had come to it's end, and at the end his sin was so egregious that he was to be put out of my life forever. Or until he came to accept Christ as his Savior and leave homosexuality.

I still wonder how he was expected to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ when the only Christians he knew turned their backs on him. How was he to learn the love of Christ when churches shunned and/or wagged their fingers at him and shouted, "Abomination unto the Lord!" before asking him to leave?

He eventually got a job working on the barges. His job took him to Texas in the mid 80's. A man there invited him to church. My Uncle politely refused the invite, but the man was persistant. After a few invitations my Uncle said he was gay so he couldn't go to church. The man responded along the lines of, "Yeah, I know you're gay. We're all sinners. That's between you and God. I'd just like you to come to church."

It really touched my Uncle, this love, but he wasn't so sure the rest of the church would feel this way. So the man went to visit my Uncle again with a few other men, deacons and elders from his church. They all felt the same way. Sin is sin. They were in no position to condemn him. They just wanted to share the grace of Christ with him.

That Sunday my Uncle went to church. After several months in a church that taught grace instead of condemnation, my Uncle accepted Christ as his Savior...in his late 40's! Consider the chances of that. A study conducted by Abilene Christian University revealed that 85% of people who do not accept Christ by the age of 18 never will. So here's my homosexual Uncle in his late 40's accepting Christ. What an amazing miracle!

He didn't leave homosexuality right away. It took some time of prayer and growth in Christ for him to be delivered from this lifestyle he'd been living in for over 25 years. It was after being a Christian for six months that he finally left homosexuality. He ended up meeting a woman in his church who could look beyond his past and they married.

He contacted my mother who decided he could come see us. By this time I was married with children of my own. I got to dance a Texas Two-Step with him again.

Three months later he died from cancer.

My Uncle is alive and well in heaven right now because of Christians showing LOVE, COMPASSION, and GRACE. They did not condemn him. They did not feel that they were any better than him. He was the same as they were. He was a sinner in need of Salvation. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Now I could end here and everyone would be happy. But there is more. This isn't a post about just my uncle, but a post about how Christians treats homosexuals.

I have a friend who has been with his "husband" "partner" "significant other" for two years longer than I have been with my husband. When he was in a serious car wreck a few years back, his husband had to lie and say he was his brother in order to see him in ICU. Had he told the truth he wouldn't have been allowed in.

But heterosexual couples in the same situation (not married) are routinely allowed "family only" visitation.

I do not condone homosexuality any more than I condone fornication, alcoholism, or thievery. I just try to look beyond the sin to the sinners and their heart. The sinners in a homosexual relationship may be two people who deeply love each other. Even though that love may not be Biblical, they are people with deep feelings. Those feelings need to be respected in the same way we respect the love of a Christian who marries a non-Christian, despite 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?"
Sin is sin. Sin brings condemnation. Jesus brought grace.

It's amazing the amount of grace we are willing to show an unequally yoked couple or a heterosexual couple living in sin. Yet we don't show that same measure of grace to the homosexual couple though, and it has it's costs.

My friend in the car wreck is a Christian. I know him personally. Yes, you can be gay and a Christian. Just like you can be a Christian and still be involved in fornication, adultery or pornography. And his heart breaks because the man he loves and has been with for over 20 years is not a Christian and will have nothing to do with church, the Bible, or Christ. Why? The judgement passed on homosexuals by "Christians".

My gay Christian friend use to be a big brother to a little boy in foster care with HIV. The foster parents, Christians, said that NO ONE had helped this boy the way my friend had. People were afraid of his illness. Through my friend the boy grew and was happy and was doing better in school and was intersted in God. Unfortunately, months later they found out my friend was gay. This Christian couple yelled and screamed at him, in front of the young boy, and told they'd call the police if he ever contacted the boy again. All the good that had been done was completely UNdone by their "Christian" response.

Yes, there are some gay men that are pedophiles. But there are some straight men that are pedophiles as well. We seem to forget that.

My gay friend saw a church doing a fundraiser on a corner vending food. They had tables set up and were selling lunch. He decided to buy lunch there and support their church. Sadly, when they found out he was gay they went after him calling him an "abomination unto the Lord". Someone from the church even called the police. The cop couldn't figure out what my friend had done. He wasn't the one all worked up. The "Christians" had surrounded HIM and was shouting at HIM. I'm glad there weren't any stones around!

I wonder if they would have reacted the same way had it come out that he was a drug addict or an alcoholic instead.

So now my friend's partner says he needs nothing to do with Christ. He's witness enough "Christian love" to last a lifetime. He doesn't want to listen to what my Christian friend has to say about Christ because the true lack of love and prevailing judgemental mentality of "Christians" has been showed to him time and again. He is lost in darkness and has no interest in the Love of Christ ... because of the Christian response he's seen his entire adult life.

I can't help but wonder how many more homosexuals out there feel the same way and will never come to know the saving grace of Christ Jesus. It saddens my heart.